If It's Not About the Books
by Alex Beckett
Summary: A missing/extended scene from Knockdown between Castle and his mother  I know there's an error, but the computer won't let fix it right now. I'll do it another day, I promise


**DISCLAIMER:** This is my fourth story, and I _still_ don't own anything. ABC and Andrew W. Marlowe do, but I'm in no mood to bargain with them, so I guess that means that I won't be getting any money from them for it. Oh, well…

As I watched Kate go out of the precinct at top speed after leaving Captain Montgomery's office, I couldn't help it as a piece of my heart broke for my favorite detective yet again. Something had happened in there to set her off, and knowing Kate, it would be a _long_ time before she told me…if she ever did…

I called after her as she went to her desk.

"Beckett?"

I tried again.

"Kate!"

The only answer I got was her throwing her jacket over her shoulder before she continued on her way, not even looking back at me. I couldn't see her face, but I could almost see the brick walls she was building up around herself. All at once, I began to feel bewildered for my friend, and began to wonder what I could do for her.

My thoughts were interrupted when Captain Montgomery walked up to me. I knew that whatever it was that had Kate upset was very important, because the captain's face was all business.

"You, too, Castle." He ordered in his authoritative voice. "Clear out."

I was taken aback by his words.

"What did _I_ do?" I glanced briefly in the direction that Kate had gone.

"I don't need you playing Nancy Drew on this."

I nodded to show that I understood, but he was already walking toward Ryan and Esposito. Going over to my chair, I collected my things and left the precinct.

Once in my car, I sat behind the wheel for a few minutes and daydreamed of Kate in happier times. Much to my dismay, I had to spend the whole ride home convincing myself that while I knew I was in some of those happy times, I probably wasn't going to be in most of the future ones because Kate's future happy days included Josh, instead.

Kate was still on my mind when I entered the loft and poured myself a drink. She was _still _on my mind as I sat down on the couch in the living room and let out a sigh, drink in hand. My beloved and extraordinary Kate Beckett was temporarily driven from my mind as mother's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"What if it had been you?"

Turning, I saw her standing there, dressed in an outfit that was entirely gold in color. Concern was evident in her eyes and voice as she came to join me.

"I didn't know you were home." I told her, trying to lighten the mood or at least change the subject.

"I heard about the shooting on the news." Nope. No such luck. "It could've been you. You know that, don't you?" She sat down opposite me.

"Yeah, but I'm fine." I tried to reassure her. "It wasn't me."

"Richard," she said sternly. "This isn't one of your books. You don't _know_ the _ending!_ You were just _lucky_ yesterday!"

"You're overreacting, mother." I responded in nonchalant way with a smile. "Where is this coming from?"

Mother fixed me with a withering stare and replied in an equally upset voice that reminded me a little of Kate when she was upset about something.

"How the _hell_ can you ask me something like that?" she demanded angrily. "Think about Alexis," she gestured briefly toward the stairs to the bedrooms. "And that is how much _I_ love _you!_" her voice became tearful for a second before resuming its angry tone. "And do you _dare_ ask me where this is _coming_ from!" I wanted to say something to her, but couldn't, so I let her continue, and said a little prayer of thanks when she softened up slightly. "You have gotten through most of your life on your wit and charm and no small amount of talent, but that is the real world out there, and you can't _charm_ your way out of a _bullet._"

She had a point there. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I was only human, just like everybody else, and I was certainly nobody's Superman…

"You think I should quit?"

Her response was completely serious and deep.

"I think you should be honest with yourself about why you're really doing this." Once again, I wanted to say something but was unable. "You have written twenty-two novels before you met her," By 'her' we both knew she meant Kate. "And you didn't need to spend _every day_ in a _police station_ in order to finish them."

Two points for mother.

"It's not about the books anymore."

Mother sat back and raised an eyebrow. "Well, if it's not about the books anymore, what _is_ it about?"

I hesitated before answering. It's not like she wouldn't figure it out sooner or later…

"It's not so much as _what_ it's about, as it's more of _whom_ it's about."

Sitting back and looking over at her, I saw a distant look on her face and knew that the wheels were turning in her head. Mother was either already figuring the pieces out, or else choosing her words very carefully.

"It's about Kate, isn't it?"

I nodded. "It's been about Kate since I rescued her from her apartment in the aftermath of the explosion last year."

"That's a long time." Mother observed. "Does Kate know that you're in love with her?"

Ten extra points to mother for making the leap without me saying it directly.

"Kate's been aware of it now more than she used to be, I'll say that. Nothing really happened before the kiss on that undercover situation for a few reasons."

"Care to tell me what those reasons are?"

"The first two reasons are that I've been flirting with her since day one, because I've always hoped that she'll come around; and she probably would've shot me in the shoulder if I tried to touch her, she once referred to me as a 'nine-year-old on a sugar rush.'" This elicited a chuckle from mother. "Kate also found me annoying." I tilted my head to reconsider. "No, wait. She still does."

"What's the other reason?"

"There are three of them, actually: Will, Tom, and Josh."

"Boyfriends of Kate's?" Mother guessed.

"Yes," I grumbled darkly. "And all of them as uncharming and as they come. I just don't understand what she saw in Will or Tom, and I certainly don't understand what she sees in Josh. Did any of them continuously put their lives in danger for her without a second thought, so long as it meant she was _safe?_"

Mother looked me square in the eye and moved next to me. "Why are you jealous? Not everybody can be as dashing or as smart or as witty or as _charming_ as you are, Richard. We were all made different for a reason."

I sighed heavily, really wanting to end this conversation stop for right now. I knew that mother wasn't going to let it go until she _knew _the burden was lifted off my chest.

"I'm jealous because I feel like I could offer Kate better, but I don't know how to tell her that. I've loved Kate for as long as I've known her, but I _really_ fell in love with her right around the time of the Dunn case." I explained. "By the time I had enough courage to tell her, Will had come and gone, but Tom was here and he swept her off her feet…" I paused. "Kate was obviously in love with him, but something seemed a little off on the night that I invited her to the Hamptons, and Gina wandered back into the picture a few hours later. I didn't find out until the fall that Kate had broken up with Tom on that last night before I left. Kate was going to tell me something, too…"

"Did you ever find out what it was?"

I shook my head. "No. She pretended like she didn't care that Gina had showed up out of the blue, especially since she met Josh when I was gone. But deep down inside her somewhere, I'm pretty sure she cared then and still cares now. Truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if she's afraid of Gina."

"I can't say I blame her." Mother's tone was dry.

"But now that Gina is gone, I'd do _anything_ to have Kate or at least ask her if she cares about me the same way I care about her…" By now, I was completely unguarded and very vulnerable. Mother was now leaning against me and her arm was wrapped around my own. "Kate is an extraordinary woman, mother, and I would gladly keep doing the crazy things I do for as long as she wanted me to. I'd do those things every day, but…" my voice trailed off, and I was suddenly incapable of finishing my thoughts.

"You love her, but she's the one person you can't have." She finished.

I nodded and thought back to a particular case that really made Kate and I see each other in a new way.

"Mother, do you remember the fortune teller case from awhile back?"

She rolled her eyes. "How could I _not?_ You rambled on and on about fates and the powers that be and other realms, and Alexis ate it _all_ up."

I smiled briefly at the memory before getting serious again. "Well, the fortune teller's daughter, Penny, had a prophecy for Kate."

"Really?" Mother's interest was piqued. According to family legend, her side of the family comes from psychics and fortune tellers. "Do you know what it was?"

"Not entirely." I confessed. "But Kate did tell me that Penny mentioned the name 'Alexander.'"

"Did Kate know that your real middle name is Alexander?"

"I told her that after she told me what Penny said."

"What did she say to that?"

"Nothing." I stated simply. "We'd been arguing about coincidences for the whole case, and this was the only one she couldn't argue her way out of. It kind of left her speechless."

"I would've liked to see that," Mother sighed regretfully. "But I still have yet to see her leave _you_ speechless."

"Hey!" I protested playfully. "Whose side are you on?"

She smiled slyly. "That's for me to know, and for you to find out someday in the future, when you and Kate have your happy ending."

"How do you know Kate and I will have a happy ending together?" I was truly mystified. "You can't see the future…" I looked at her curiously. "_Can_ you?"

There was a happy twinkle in my mother's eyes as she responded.

"I won't answer that question, either. But, my dear boy, there _is_ something that I _will_ say."

"What is it?"

"That Kate Beckett truly _is_ an extraordinary woman, and you'd be a fool to let her go forever, so don't you _ever_ give up hope."

_Done_


End file.
